Breaking (wind) news

It is possible that today we have got to the bottom of things. But let's go back a week. Monday I arrived at st Richards in good humour and told the nurse I was only here to have a poo. Sue got me unpacked and into bed. Neither of us expected any more than a three day stay which was confirmed when i was told, "you won't be with us long", now I'm not sure that is a good thing to say to patients in a hospice. I met my nurse, shelley (who has been excellent through out, in fact they all have). Tuesday I started the movicol in earnest, guaranteed to move mountains. edith searched out her 1977 union jack from the silver jubilee flag and named me the queen of thrones. Sue brought in some pictures for my pin board, zingy the EDF character came and put upside down to remind me what I need to do. But by far the funniest was the emails from Ellie the cat, one wishing me a good morning and looking far sweeter than she really is, followed by a very impressive package in the litter tray. At five am on wednesday I was rudely awaken to vesuvius erupting and I called the nurses. A very deep bed pan was filled in no time and it was congratulations all round for a good job done. Now you would think that that would be the end of the matter, blockage moved and we can all go home. No, when has anything ever been that straight forward for me. I was still in pain. We all thought that maybe there was still more to come so carried on with the movicol and introduced senna. Still in pain. The only way to really find out was to have another X-ray. Sue and Lesley took me to wrh. X-ray taken. Now the first X-ray proved I'm full of shite and the second one confirmed I'm truly full of hot air. All i needed to do now was fart, not normally a challenge to me. So total bowel rest and no feed at all for twenty four hours i am now a big drip woops typo I am attached to a big drip to keep me hydrated. Don't say anything but my mate has been smuggling in contraband in the name of freeze pops. I had a third year student nurse for two days and you wouldn't know she was a student. I was to teach her about the peg. It's very important to clip off before undoing the cap. forget but you will be covered in stomach contents in which you learn never to do it again. Or you can listen to the advice and avoid that step. She did fabulously well. Ellie has been to visiting most days. She has been so sweet allowing all the staff to fuss her, no claws no teeth. I was quite relieved but did ask her if she was an imposter and where had the real Ellie gone. She even sat curled up on Edith's lap. She has been so well behaved its untrue. She went for a walk with sue and was quite frightened by the fish pond and the big fish, she only likes the tin variety. Monday morning at precisely 07:14 am I did a very sweet little pop off. I was elated. But it was a one hit wonder. I was in agony again. I had morphine and then a bath hoping the bubbles and hot water would help. Dr Becky was my doctor and has been superb through out, she even politely laughed at my jokes. But the sense of humour had diminished by Sunday. A rethink because I flatly refused anyone from wrh to go anywhere near me, which wasn't very helpful but I have a real aversion to the place. Anyway jolly good thinking prevailed and the doctors came up with a cunning plan with a tube and bag to help release the air. It worked instantly and I was feeling loads better. I'm a bit concerned that I might blow up the airbag or float away. I've had me first feed in a while and a freeze pop. My mum and dad were here Friday and we had two visitors from the church, hospice Chaplin and father Patrick. Some holiday this has turned out to be but there is always a lighter side and despite everything still managed to raise a smile. Thank you ipu st Richards.